We gave the kids a much simpler explanation than below and they very quickly caught on. Now we get to truth, feelings, and boundaries much quicker to resolve problems.

Utain, M. and B. Oliver (Ed.) SCREAM LOUDER. Through Hell and Healing With An Incest Survivor and Her Therapist Deerfield Beach, FL Health Communications (1989) available from:

http://www.abebooks.com (Search for title Scream Louder)

The following is paraphrased from the book Scream Louder:

Stephen Karpman published an article in 1968 on the "Drama Triangle," "one of the most damaging psychological processes that we see today."

It is used as a major teaching tool in the understanding of dysfunctional families.

By understanding the roles designated in the Triangle, the way they interact, and the rules that snare you in the Triangle, you can learn to avoid becoming entangled in it and the drama it precipitates.

Chaos, craziness, sadness, grief, confusion, anger "Lies Pain" can all result from being caught up in the Triangle.

The Triangle is based on blame and guilt and is put into operation whenever any type of lie or denial occurs. Without blame, guilt or lies, there would be no Drama Triangle and no chaos. Instead there would be healthy responsible relationships based on honest and clear communications.

Participating in any role in the Triangle does not mean that you are a bad person. It means that you are caught up in the dysfunctional programming that you grew up with in your families.

Victim

The Victim position is the key role in the Triangle because it is the position around which the others revolve. People operating in the Victim position take no responsibility for their actions or feelings. They truly believe that they are life's fall guys, and that everyone in the world is "doing it to them." They continually look for someone or something else to blame for things not working in their lives. Victims can frequently be identified by their usage of such language as: Everyone, anyone does it to me; you, they (the government, mother, father, boss, spouse, children, etc.) do it to me; poor me.

There are two basic types of Victims: the Pathetic Victim, and the Angry Victim. The Pathetic Victim plays the pity ploy, using woeful "poor me" looks and the desolate language of self-pity, while the Angry Victim pretends to be powerful, using angry "I won't let you do it to me," "Look what you did to me," "You're not going to do that to me again," or "You're bad" types of language.

Both types of Victim are looking for someone to blame for the emotions they are having and also for their lives not working. In addition they are looking for a Rescuer, someone they can "hook" into taking care of them and their responsibilities.

Victims manipulate others into doing what they want with blame and guilt. They will find someone that they can blame for their unfulfilled lives. The Victim sees this person as a persecutor. If this person believes the Victim and accepts the blame, then he or she will feel guilty and try to remedy the situation. As soon as she or he tries to fix things for the Victim, she or he moves from persecutor to rescuer.

"Remember when Maureen lied to Amanda's mother about what she had told Barbara. She took no responsibility for her lies and expected Barbara to rescue her from her own lack of integrity. Barbara had to apologize for something she had never done. Maureen was so steeped in the Victim role that she blamed Barbara for exposing her own lack of integrity and demanded that Barbara not only rescue her with an apology to Amanda, but rescue her by never discussing the truth."

Whenever we want someone to lie for us in order to protect us from the consequences of our own lies, we are playing Victim and expecting the other person to rescue us.

"By telling the truth, Barbara had set up circumstances in which Maureen experienced extreme embarassment. Therefore, in Maureen's eyes, Barbara was her Persecutor. At the same time, Barbara felt like the victim and actually became one when she rescued Maureen by lying for her and placing herself in the Rescuer role. Maureen did not realize that any of this action was taking place; she was operating on denial and avoiding pain and embarrassment no matter what."

The defense mechanisms that trigger participation in the Drama Triangle are subconscious and become part of our personalities early.

"...she manuevered Barbara with blame and guilt..and implied forthcoming blame to the children if they did not rescue her with silence."

Victims use open or implied blame to try to manipulate others into rescuing them. If a Victim can get a person to feel guilty, that person, will rescue the Victim in order to avoid being cast in the bad person, Persecutor role. Once the person feels guilty and rescues the Victim, the Rescuer is now hooked into the Triangle.

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